Picking a lawyer is like picking a watermelon: most watermelons look the same, most sound similar, but until you cut into one you never know if you have a good one. Not that you should cut into a lawyer. We tend not to like it when that happens.

What I mean is that until you actually spend some time talking with a lawyer you will not be able to determine if they are the right lawyer for your case. The issue is how do you get past the appearance and sound and to the heart.

The internet is a good tool for many reasons, but it can be a hinderance as well, especially when you are looking for something. Most lawyers have websites and online reviews, and that information can be helpful. But, it is important to remember that whoever provided the review did not have your case. It may be similar, but in the end every case is unique.

Additionally, we often receive referrals from a family member, other lawyers, former clients, and even from the other side of a case from the past (those do make us feel good). But even if the person making the referral has the best intentions, the specifics of your case may not be the best fit for the lawyer you are considering. The only way to tell if the lawyer is a good fit for your case is to talk to them. There are five main points you should consider in picking a lawyer. To save some time, and hopefully some frustration, consider the following:

1. Field of Practice – Being a lawyer in 2020 is much different than when I started in 1995. Like almost every other job, the practice of law is mostly specialized. Some lawyers still have a general practice, but more and more lawyers are focusing on an area of the law. Some of that focus is due to the lawyer’s preference, some is due to caseload, but it is mostly due to the changes in the law and how much more complicated it has become. For me, specializing makes me a better lawyer, and better able to address the unique issues that each client presents. Chances are a lawyer that specializes in family law will be best suited to help with that type of case.
2. Experience – Having experience can be both positive and negative. Usually experience means the lawyer has been doing this for some time and has (hopefully) learned what to do and what not to do. At the same time, practicing law the same way over time can cause a lawyer to be complacent and not recognize there may be a better way to build a mouse trap. Conversely, a lawyer with less experience may be able and energetic, but knowing the theory of the law is not the same thing as putting that theory into practice. When considering which lawyer best suits your case, consider not only the lawyer’s age and experience, but whether they have kept up with changes in the law, recent court opinions, and the changes in technology.
3. Philosophy – A lawyer’s attitude toward what they do is just as important as how they do it. Practicing law requires motivation, and an appreciation for the practice. If the lawyer has that appreciation, then they are more likely to do a good job representing you. Dealing with a family law case is stressful for the client, but it is also stressful for the lawyer. Practicing in this area can be very demanding, and I personally believe it is one of the harder areas because it requires attention to several different issues (children, property, support, etc.), and flexibility to the changes that inevitably come with each case. When considering a lawyer, make sure she/he wants to do what they are doing. Don’t worry; you should be able to tell if they like their job just by talking to them.
4. Practice – How the sausage is made is just as important as the sausage itself. It is important to know the administrative side of how the lawyer functions. Does the lawyer communicate best by email, phone or in person? Does that work with your preferences? What is the timeline the lawyer thinks she/he will be able to work on your case? Does that work with your schedule? Who does the lawyer utilize for staff, and how will they be involved in your case? There is no right way to answer any of these questions because, again, it comes down to your case and your preference. But when you first speak to the lawyer, the answers to these questions are just as important as the facts of your case. Remember: process, process, process.
5. Personality – I saved personality for last because it is the most important. And, contrary to what you may have heard, lawyers do have personalities. Granted, the personality may seem negative, or hard to see, but usually a negative view of a lawyer stems from the circumstances in which you had contact with the lawyer. I say usually because some lawyers (me included) really can be difficult. Seriously, being able to relate to the client is sometimes difficult for lawyers, and in turn it can be difficult for clients. Some personalities do not mesh, and you should be able to tell if that is the case early in your first contact with the lawyer. If it appears you and the lawyer will clash, then it is best to find someone else to handle your case. Remember, you will be dealing with the lawyer for a considerable amount of time, and most of that time will be stressful. Having someone you can relate to, communicate with, and understand will be the most important part of your choice.

Choosing your lawyer is a very personal issue, and it should be. For family law cases this may be the most personal thing you do in your life. Making sure the lawyer you choose to help you through that process is essential. The best suggestions I can make are these:

• Do you homework and research the lawyer as much as you can.

• Meet with the lawyer and discuss your case, and their ideas about your case.

• Trust your instincts.

Again, if after reading this you feel like contacting me, even to tell me I am wrong, please do. Thanks for reading.

I do not remember a time I did not want to be a lawyer. Practicing law is all I ever wanted to do, and feel privileged that I am able to do it and to write articles like this. Please understand I do not consider myself an expert by any means; that is why they call it “practicing law”. But, after doing this for 25 years, I think I have gained some insight as to what works, and better insight into what does not work. I think that I learn something every day, and for me the purpose of this blog is twofold: 1) I would like to pass on some of the insights I have learned over the years to hopefully help people who are going through a difficult time; and 2) I firmly believe this is a process, and by explaining that process and thinking it through, perhaps I can gain some insight on the insights.

There is no one right way to deal with a family law case. Every case is different because the people involved are different. So, while advice from a friend or family member about what they dealt with in their case can be helpful, it is important to remember their family is not your family. Their facts are not your facts, and perhaps even the law at the time they went through their case is not the law at the time you are dealing with your case. That said, I believe there are a number of wrong ways to deal with a family law case. It could be argued the right way to address issues that come up is to simply try and avoid doing the wrong things. The problem with that theory is sometimes it is difficult, particularly in the moment, to know which is right and which is wrong, particularly when the difference between the choices is very, very close.

I think the best way is to start with a good foundation, to ask questions and gather information so you can understand the process, and understand that life as you know it will change. That last part is easy to write but sometimes difficult to accept. But, if you are involved in a family law case, either from the beginning or addressing a continuing issue or modification, chances are you will experience some changes, and it may seem especially at the beginning, that those changes are not positive. The key is to determine what is best to address those changes.

My intention is to break down the process and provide some guidance on how to begin, what to expect, and what works and does not work in a family law case. But hopefully this will not become a primer of how to practice law. My guess is readers of this blog do not want to learn to try a family law case. Rather, you want to know what to expect if you find yourself in a situation where you need a lawyer to help you understand how the system works, and what could happen to you and your family. I think that oftentimes the fear that comes from not knowing what to expect is worse than the actual event itself. The law can be confusing, and sometimes seemingly contrary to logic. When we add in the stress of a dissolving relationship, or a continued struggle over what is best for the children, the situation can be overwhelming at times. My goal is to pass on some information to help with those times and maybe make them more tolerable.

So, as a means of or an outline, or maybe a warning, my idea for future articles is expected to be:

• Selecting an Attorney – Deciding what attorney to hire, and whether that person is the best fit for your case, can be difficult. Just knowing where to start based upon recommendations from family or friends, or reviews on the internet, is only the first step. Hopefully, I will be able to provide some information that will ease the selection process and give you confidence that you chose the right person to help you.

• How a Divorce Works – Again, fear of the unknown can be avoided by understanding the process, and how best to use that process in your situation. In short, making the unknown known. There is no magic or secret, but how a case is started and what to expect after filing can be confusing. But, we can discuss the how a case begins, is prepared, and ends so that ultimately the fear of the unknown can be removed.

• How a Trial Works – What you saw on television is probably not a good example of what to expect if the case goes to trial. A trial is a combination of procedure, evidence, and performance. Preparing for a trial, and events leading up to a trial, when done correctly, are complex and costly. But, in some cases a trial is the only way to resolve an issue, and understanding how you get to that point is critical.

• Alternatives to Trial – In most instances your case will not proceed to a trial, and will likely settle by an agreement reached while the case is proceeding through the Court system. We will discuss alternative dispute resolution, most commonly referred to as mediation, and how you can use this option to save yourself time, money, and stress.

• How a Custody Modification Case Works – When it comes to children, nothing is really ever final. Parents change, children change, situations change, and modifications happen. At the same time, we know children usually do best with structure and stability. Finding that balance, and making sure what is happening in the children’s lives now is the same or better than it was at the time orders were issued, is the goal. If that is not happening, we will discuss ways to address how best to modify those orders.

I am actually looking forward to writing these articles not just because I think that I have some information to offer that will at least start a conversation, but mostly because I am always looking for ways to be a better lawyer. If after reading this you feel like contacting me, even to tell me how wrong I am, please do. I promise not to be offended or respond harshly (at least not out loud or in writing). Thanks for reading.